Progress, Not Perfection

I've become close to a man in my morning meeting who came into The Rooms with a temper that leaned toward aggression and volatility.  When he got angry he tended to act on it physically.  Early in his sobriety a coworker pissed him off and he threatened the guy and was promptly fired.  Even though he didn't follow through with any violence his company had a No Tolerance rule for this kind of behavior.  Saying that you're going to deck someone but not actually decking them is indeed an improvement but only an incremental one.  Good for his company, I say.  Nobody should be afraid to go to work because of a threatening coworker.

Because this sequences of events has resonated so strongly with me I'm going to repeat some of the details . . . . There's another man at the meeting who has come a long way IMO but still has a long way to come IMO.  Recently, in a misguided attempt at humor he quipped: "Under every skirt there's a slip."  I cringed and I'm positive some of the women cringed, and some of the other men as well.  It wasn't in-your-face egregious but it should not have been said.  When I think I should say something I ask my Higher Power to let me know if it should be said, if it should be said by me, if it should be said by me right now.  I did not feel like the right opportunity presented itself for me to point out the Errors of His Ways so I adhered to one of my most treasured aphorisms: Silence is Golden. As in: Try Not To Talk Today.

Recently Inappropriate Guy was in the kitchen pre-meeting and Angry Guy overhead another apparently inappropriate comment, and he let the guy know he didn't appreciate his words.  While I was waiting for my tea to brew Angry Guy came back into the kitchen and he was seething.  I told him to slow down, take some deep, calming breaths, and not act on any impulses he was feeling.  He settled somewhat and went back in to the meeting.  Afterwards, he approached me and said he had already made an amends to Inappropriate Guy for his behavior.  I don't believe he was really all that sorry for his behavior but I was proud to see that he made the effort.  I think it was the right thing to do.  When I behave poorly today I try to actually be sorry for the poor behavior but sometimes all I can do is say I'm sorry.

Here's the very satisfying update: Inappropriate Guy took a minute at the end of a meeting that he serves as secretary to make an amends to the group in case he had offended anyone.  I thought that took a lot of gumption.  I wonder if the amends Angry Guy made to him served as a guiding light for this amends?  I wonder if this was a case where the best path was having someone confront him, face to face, mano a mano, nice and direct, and point out his crappy behavior? Most of the time I believe that setting an example works the best but sometimes we need to be told when we're acting the jerk.  Angry Guy's approach didn't present itself to me as something that would be helpful coming out of my pie hole.  I think what we have here is another case where the mixing and matching together of so many different personalities and opinions, in one room, all trying to head in the same direction, results in the right solution presenting itself.  I was/am proud of the progress of both of these guys and I told them just that.

Alas . . .  after the meeting I walked a bit with Inappropriate Guy at which point I got to hear him voice his suspicions about which particular woman member was driving the outrage at his comment; outrage that he seemed to think was somewhat overblown.  Sigh.  Progress not perfection.