"Every 'first' drink afterwards did exactly the same trick - I could feel it go right through every bit of my body and down to my very toes. I was never a hilarious drunk; the more I drank the quieter I got, and the drunker I got the harder I fought to stay sober. So it is clear I never had any fun out of drinking (Ed. Note: the italics are mine) - I would be the soberest-seeming one in the crowd and all of a sudden I'd be the drunkest." Big Book
I know the sensation. I was not a falling down drunk. I was a steady drinker with a serious capacity for containing my alcohol. It wasn't so much fun as it was pain relief and excitement. I wanted to feel different, excited when I was calm and chill when I was jacked. I just wanted to be someone else somewhere else.
The circumstances of my life are governed by the spirit I bring to the day. What I find is a reflection of my own heart. When I pay attention to understanding my own heart I begin to grow in a skillful response of wisdom and compassion and I can do my part to make the whole of the earth peaceful.
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