Damn Friends, Anyway

SuperK is in Idaho visiting her favorite sibling, a brother who is the second youngest child and closest to her in age.  He's ailing and declining, health-wise, battling cancer.  She was worried about how the trip was going to affect her before she left but I knew deep-down she'd be fine.  I know painful things are upsetting but spiritually centered people have an amazing inner strength that they can draw upon when times get tough and we all know that times will indeed get tough from time to time.  It's how the world works.  It's the nature of existence.  Death and dying are facts and cannot be avoided.  I also suspected that she might enjoy a week on her own in a hotel room.  Having no one to answer to for a brief time can be very relaxing and satisfying.  In long dosages it can be lonely but in short bursts it can be nourishing.  It's very expansive to allow yourself to do what you want when you want to do it.

I'm in the same boat.  I don't mind being alone from time to time.  I also know that being alone is not always great for my sanity.  And I know that I have a tendency to stick to the tried and true rather than step out and do something different, something with people (shudder).  As an example, SuperK and I have theater tickets where we spend a night out of town and as the time grows closer we don't want to go and then we go anyway and have a great time.  Why I can't internalize this knowledge emotionally is a great mystery to me but there you go, almost everything rational is a great mystery to me.   Yesterday a friend texted a dinner invitation to me.  His wife and a teenage son were going to be present - I've met neither - and my initial response to an invitation like that is "Fuck, no, I'm going to watch a stupid movie by myself tonight" but I immediately responded: "Sounds great" which committed me to the invitation.   I was vaguely uneasy all day about the dinner.  I went, I enjoyed myself the entire time, and it really made me feel great afterwards.  Expansive.  This is the conundrum for someone who thrives on quiet and calmness.  Do I neglect the social part of life?  Humans are, after all, social creatures.  We don't do well living in caves by ourselves.  It's damp!  There's no cable!  Etc, etc, etc.