New Guy Blues

We went around the room today.  As luck would have it there were a coven of new guys immediately to the right of the leader so we got some new guy talk.  Side Note: We have five new guys named Brian attending our meeting right now and I am not making that up.  All under three months.  They've started identifying themselves as Brian #1 or Bryan #5 and the like.  The first Brian today drank briefly recently, starting with some nips from a bottle of Chivas Regal and - just like that! - a nickname is born.  He is a busy young attorney with two small children at home so he's got a lot on his plate.  Yesterday he found himself in line at Starbucks behind one of the ubiquitous Slow Order People - you know the type: they act as if they've never been to a Starbucks before.  It's Starbucks!  Order your goddamn coffee!  Late to the office he was then stuck in a malfunctioning elevator for an hour.  Sitting there, fuming, as the fire department tried to unstuck him.

Pray for patience and God puts you in long lines.

The next guy was a postal worker who got his second DUI six months ago and he lost his license.  The good news is that the post office didn't fire his ass immediately - the bad news is since he doesn't have a license he can't drive a mail truck so he's been shifted to walking routes exclusively.  He's losing some weight, I'll tell you that.

Pray that you don't go to jail when you get your second DUI and your ass is gonna be doin' some walkin'.

The next guy was recently in a car accident which wasn't his fault but this hasn't stopped the other driver from suing him while also claiming he was injured as a result of the accident.  He wants to . . . you know . . . actually injure the other guy now.

Pray for tolerance and God puts you around intolerable people.

The next guy had to accompany his wife to a wedding where there was a lot of drinking.  He didn't drink but he was mad at the world for putting him in a situation where he had to tolerate a lot of drinking while not drinking himself.

Pray for a release from the obsession to drink and God puts you around people who show you what you were like when you were drinking yourself and you see that you weren't nearly as much fun as you thought you were.  In fact, you were a pain in the ass.

The queue got to me with time for a short share left.  I indicated that I wanted to cede my time to a new woman who had her hand up despite the fact that she definitely didn't have her hand up.  She shared about taking a trip to Japan where not drinking is sort of weird - this is a culture where social drinking is part of social life - and she had to sort of grit her teeth and get through it . . . which she did.

Pray to be left alone so you can just listen in a meeting and God puts you in a meeting with me, the Eternal Tormenter of New People.  What could I have said that would have topped that share?

Sometimes we speak from experience; sometimes we talk to get something painful or frustrating off of our chests; and sometimes we just need to allow other people to get to know us a little bit.  I mean do you seriously think that when I talk at a meeting I have anything worthwhile to say and do you think this stops me from talking?

The key is finding out what the lesson is.  There's a lesson there.