It's Not Them - It's You

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may have felt initially wronged, victimized, harmed or hurt goes through a process in changing feelings and attitude regarding a given offender for his/her actions, and overcomes the impact of the offense, flaw or mistake including negative emotions such as resentment or a desire for vengeance.  Theorists differ in the extent to which they believe forgiveness also implies replacing the negative emotions with positive attitudes (i.e. an increased ability to tolerate the offender), or requires reconciliation with the offender.

Man, ouch, and this one sticks in my craw sometimes because there are a lot of irritating people out there who behave in ways that really stick in my craw.

BTW, a craw is an area in a bird's throat that can harbor food so it can be digested more efficiently.  It was also, apparently, a post-industrial metal band from Cleveland active in the late '90s.

It is contrary to my view of life that I should tolerate intolerable actions directed to me or at me, either directly or obliquely.  My human response is to seek revenge of some kind.  It is not to overlook the slight and let it go, forever, and quickly at that.

Here are the Toltecs again: "We must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourselves so much we don't want to keep paying for the injustice.  Forgiveness is the only way to heal.  That's the beginning of the free human.  Forgiveness is the key."

Step Five: "Often it was while working on this Step . . . that we first felt truly able to forgive others no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us.

St. Francis: "He thought it better . . . to be forgiven than to forgive."

Step Eleven: "It is by forgiving that one is forgiven."

It's not them - it's you.