I See You

SuperK talks about being seen.  We all know what it's like to be somewhere and feel invisible.  It's not great, this feeling, and it's especially unhelpful, this feeling, if you're starting out in Alcoholics Anonymous, not sure if you should be there or want to be there, even, and then being ignoredor glossed over.  I take great pride in my attention to everyone that shows up at my regular Keep It Complicated meeting.  I make it my business to include everyone in the group.  It's not unusual for an individual to rebuff this attention - no, not rebuff, more brush it off, brush through it - and that's okay by me.  As a general rule nobody is thrilled to show up at their first few meetings and many of us are just looking for a reason, any reason, to justify not coming back.  I stand at the door like a goofy prison guard and make sure everyone at least gets a "how ya doin'?" as they exit the room.  I camp out in the kitchen before the meeting because almost everyone comes in there for some coffee before the meeting.  I have a habit of calling on people who are new or who have identified as visitors even when I'm not . . . you know . . . in any way, shape, or form authorized to do this.  I don't have to be chairing the meeting, either.  Sometimes I'll say "I think Bob has his hand up" or something along those lines, putting some man or woman who definitely does not have their hand up on the hot seat.  Nobody has told me to stop doing it.  I probably wouldn't stop doing it anyhow but at least I'd know I was irritating someone which would probably encourage me to keep doing rather than to cease and desist.

There's a new woman who started attending, arriving late and sitting on the outside of the circle, never talking, may have some mental illness issues.  Very tentative, very diffident in her actions and her demeanor.  Well, you know, she can not escape me.  The other day she came back into the kitchen as a few of us were cleaning up post-meeting and said she knew she needed to get a sponsor and asked me about Jan, a woman I know pretty well, because she raises her hand when the secretary asks that anyone willing to be a sponsor identify.  I hustled out into the room and interrupted a conversation Jan was having with a friend and introduced her to the new woman.  

You know, I see the new woman.  I can imagine after a fashion how she's struggling getting involved.  This was a thing I could do.