Do I Have a Stupid Face?

My town has a fair number of homeless people wandering around.  Some of them appear to be ne'er-do-wells but my experience is that a lot are suffering from a variety of mental illnesses and conditions to go along with all of the alcoholism and substance abuse that obviously exists.  I'm not an unsympathetic guy so it makes me pause when I'm asked for money.  I used to either give a buck or two or walk by, with a fixed thousand yard stare.  I didn't feel all that great about either option -  one makes me seem uncaring while the other may simply be channeling money into the local liquor store cash register or local drug dealer pocket.  I am not one of those people overly worried about some scam artist screwing me out of a buck.  I think the truly needy to just lazy quotient is about ten to one so I don't want to deprive someone who's hungry a meal to ensure some joker works me for some of my precious cash.

My technique has evolved so that now I simply ask: "What do you want it for?"  The most common reply is "to get something to eat."  Bus fare is another favorite but food is the big number one.  My response is to offer to buy them something to eat, pointing out a convenience store or nearby coffee shop.  A few people have taken me up on it.  Most haven't.  One woman trolling a Wal-Mart parking lot refused my offer of some bananas: "I don't like bananas."  Yeah, well, I'm not a buffet line.  It's bananas.  I have some bananas.  That's your choice.  Another woman (a belligerent woman) refused my offer to buy her some oatmeal at the Starbucks across the street: "Starbucks don't have no oatmeal."  Starbucks do have some oatmeal but I'm not going to argue with someone who doesn't want no oatmeal.  I'm not crazy about oatmeal, either, but then I have the cash to buy something else.  I think she must have thought I was a waiter taking orders: "Hi, Ma'am, I'm Seaweed and I'll be taking care of you today.  May I recommend the oatmeal? . . . "

Today was my favorite.  A long-haired kid on a stingray bike asked me for a couple of dollars.  "What do you want it for?" I said, right on cue, per usual.  "Get something to eat, maybe a Jack-in-the-Box."  I said: "OK, c'mon inside and I'll buy you something to eat."  He mumbled about a low sodium diet.  I'm no nutritionist but I'm guessing Jack isn't too worried about how much sodium he's packing into each burger.  I kind of shrugged so he mumbled something about a bag of chips - specifying Lay's chips, for fuck's sake.  I must have the kind of stupid face that attracts this style of picky, demanding panhandler.  I went inside and got my Coke and grabbed a bag of chips for this kid.  I did not pay particular attention to the brand of snack and didn't look closely at what kind of salty snack I picked up and I paid absolutely no attention to whether or not I was even buying a chip, figuring that any kind of nutritionally void, high sodium snack would suffice.  I don't work for Door Dash.  I'm not filling orders.  I'll buy anything you want but I'm not picking it out for you.  I exited the store and handed him his snack.  "Thanks" was followed by a quiet "oh."  I turned around, somewhat wearily: "Is there a problem?"  Lays chips.  He wanted Lay's, he asked for Lay's, I disappointed him with some other chip.  Maybe the salt content upset him.  I sighed and looked at him.  "They're okay, they're okay," he said quickly.

I'm being a little snarky here because I'm finding it amusing today.  I've bought a fair number of food items and coffees for people.  I'm not only empathetic I'm sympathetic as well.  People have it hard, they can have it hard.  I talk to these folks and most of them have some bubbles in the think tank.  They're not going to walk into Chase Bank and get hired as a teller.   Dude standing near my car today said: "First off I'm a musician.  Second off I'm an artist.  Third off I'm an electrician" before telling me a convoluted story about seeing a man on an off-ramp with a sign that said "Will Work For Beer" and then throwing a twenty and a pack of cigarettes at him before driving off.