"Outline the program of action to new prospects, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past, and why you are now endeavoring to help them. It is important for them to realize that your attempt to pass this on to them plays a vital part in your own recovery. The more hopeless they feel the better. They will be more likely to follow your suggestions."
"Offer new prospects friendship and fellowship. Tell them that if they want to get well you will do anything to help. burn the idea into the consciousness of new prospects that they can get well, regardless of anyone else. Job or no job, spouse or no spouse, they cannot stop drinking as long as they place dependence on other people ahead of dependence on god. Let no alcoholic say they cannot recover unless they have their family back. This just isn't so. Their recovery is not dependent upon other people. It is dependent on their own relationship with God."
This new guy asked me if we could exchange phone numbers at my last meeting. He has mentioned - every time we've talked - that at one point he had a year and a half. I assume this means to him that he's somewhat of an expert on what we're doing in Alcoholics Anonymous. He said he needed someone to be accountable to, someone to check in with every day. That evening he sent me a text: "Still sober." I had to laugh. He's done it every evening so far and even first thing on a Sunday morning - I just picked up the phone and called him when I got that morning text but it was a short conversation as it was clear he didn't want to get into a long conversation. This is all fine with me. Help is providing something someone wants, not what I want to give. I'm not going to cut him off the next time he brings up the year and a half, either, by pointing out that we all start from scratch when we come back in because whatever we tried the first time obviously didn't work. That year and a half is apparently important to him and what do I care, anyway?
God kind of works that way. He gives me what I need and not what I want. He doesn't check in with me. He isn't interested in hearing how I think things should go. It's like watching a long football game where your team is getting beat up - which makes the whole watching experience excruciatingly painful - but then your team stages a big comeback and scores as time runs out to win the game. Your joy at that moment is bigger and better than if you had just gotten the score on the evening news after the game ended. I'm always trying to remember that there is a difference between what I want and what I need. I forget this lesson when I'm not getting what I want.
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