Talk Is Cheap

 I have one of those personalities characterized by being dismissive of given authority.  I see a lot of stupid and untalented people who have a lot of power and status and prestige.  Lots of these people have these advantages through circumstance and inheritance and mistake and not through the result of their own efforts.  Fie on them, I say.  Just because you're The Man doesn't mean I have to respect you or do what you say.  You have to prove to me that you're The Woman by your actions, not by your words.  Talk is cheap.

As you can imagine this attitude has caused me some serious work problems over the years.  And some marital strife.  SuperK says I'm the most stubborn person she has ever met, that if it isn't my idea I won't do it.  I open my mouth to argue, then think: "Damn.  She's got me there."  But I do watch how she acts.  If she gives me some advice on how to change my behavior I'm prone to argue.  If her behavior demonstrates how to improve my circumstances I'll change my behavior.  On the sly, of course.  I don't want her to think she's better than me.  It's just the same with Alcoholics Anonymous.  Your long-time sobriety is no guarantee of admirable behavior.  Don't tell me - show me.

In the St. Francis Prayer there's this line: "It's better to love than to be loved."  There's also something about striving to understand rather than to be understood.  There's a lot of other irritating stuff in there, too, most of them asking me to think of others before I think of myself.

I've been pondering the extreme levels of strife that characterize our society right now.  It has been a distressing time for most of us.  Some of this strife is leaking into our Program as well, I fear, which is understandable - we are a microcosm of wider society, after all.  I believe the advantage we have is that we should, at least in theory, be able to hold our tongues and listen to an opposing point of view, no matter how strenuously we disagree.  I disagreed with everything you people said, strenuously, when I first came in to The Rooms, only to find out that you knew what you were talking about, more or less, and that when I quit trying to convince you that you didn't I learned a lot of good shit.

After all we are people who wouldn't ordinarily mix.  This diversity is a source of great contention and a source of great strength.  If I disagree but still listen and try to understand I learn some great truths.