Part of The Group

"Unless we discuss our defects with another person, we do not acquire enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty to really get the program.  We must be entirely honest with somebody, if we expect to live happily in this world.  We must be hard on ourselves, but always considerate of others.  We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character and every dark cranny of the past.  Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we can look the world in the eyes." 

One of the greatest gifts of Alcoholics Anonymous is that feeling of belonging, of being in the right place, of 'getting it.'  I sort of get it some of the time.  Things sort of make sense . . . some of the time.  But I never feel like I'm floating by myself in deep space without a helmet on.  And this connectedness began to happen for me after I did my first Fifth Step.  I shared all of the deep, dark secrets that were eating me alive and lived to tell the tale.

I've been having some back troubles.  I've had them before and most people my age have them from time to time but when it's me having the pain?  Well, sir, most unfair and how do I get it to go away as quickly as possible?  I think those kinds of thoughts while simultaneously holding in my head the belief that this is the One, this is the time where it's going to be forever, never, always.

I brought this up on a phone call with one of my friends yesterday; a guy who cheerfully takes a ton of good-natured abuse from me.  He listened patiently and then started in with the perspective, wondering why he was talking to me instead of to someone with financial problems or a cancer diagnosis or an addicted child.  I took it.  He was spot on and he's a good friend and I knew it was coming, so I took it.  As a guy who dishes it out I better be able to take it.  I felt better for having shared what was bothering me and better for hearing some perspective.

One of our members in good standing was attacked Saturday by a mentally ill transient who hit her in the head with a tire iron.  Knocked three teeth out, broke her jawbone, etc. etc.  I texted with her a bit this morning.  The tenor of her responses was 1. Gratitude for the incredible outpouring of love that has come her way and 2. Balance in her expectations for how long the pain will last and how to best handle it.   It was a very inspiring exchange for me.  Grateful that I'm not alone, that I have this support network to tap into, and grateful that I have the tools to handle whatever comes my way.  I no longer have to maneuver through life all by myself.

"Happiness cannot be sought directly; it is a byproduct of love and service.  Service is a law of nature.  With love in your heart, there is always some service to other people.  Little acts of love and encouragement, of service and help, erase the rough places of life and help to make the path smooth.  If we do these things, we cannot help having our share of happiness."