Little Johnny On The Loose

"We are people who wouldn't ordinarily mix.  But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful.  We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after shipwreck when a feeling of camaraderie, democracy, and joyousness pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table."  BB PP 17

Kenner and I got off to a bit of a rocky start in the sponsor-sponsee relationship.  I always admired his Program and enjoyed what he said in meetings while he was actually in the . . . you know . . . meeting room, but once we stepped outside things tended to get a little contentious if by "a little" you mean "goddam."  Without spelling out where either of us stood on political, moral, religious, social issues - these are complex matters with a lot of nuance and few clear absolutes - we started to bicker.  It was bad enough to have an argument when we would stumble unawares into a minefield but it became evident that one of us - the protagonist varied from day to day - often slipped an incendiary comment into the conversation that was only meant to irritate the other, and off we would go.

I'd like to say that this behavior was short-lived.  I'd like to say a lot of things that make me look good.  We clearly enjoyed talking with each other about so many things that I could feel a sense of unease beginning to set in whenever we'd start to argue about outside issues, one of us casting the baited hook and the other chomping down, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  At some point the antagonist du jour began to have trouble getting a nibble.  The conversation would grind down and there'd be a short silence before one of us would start a new, less contentious thread.

Thus began a relationship of many years where we avoided those topics where our opinions were fixed and irreversible.  What was the point?  we seemed to be asking, other than to argue with someone whose opinion was set in concrete.  I knew that I disagreed with him on some issues but decided that it was for the best to concentrate on the many areas where we shared a common connection.  I learned from this dynamic how to have a deep and lasting relationship with someone who was not at all like me.  I learned what we mean when we say: "Look for the similarities, not the differences." 

I've always said that the four most important relationships in the world to me where my mom and dad; my lovely, irreplaceable wife; and The Kenner.  He was more of a father-figure to me in many ways than my own father, and I don't say this to disrespect my dad, who was doing the best he could with the tools he had.  Rather I mean that I got to share my life in a deep and profound way with Ken than I couldn't with dad.  This is The Program, this is what we get when we're striding along with other men and women on a similar spiritual quest.

"Today in Little Johnny's classroom the teacher asked each child to tell the class what their father did for a living and then to spell the trade or job.  The first child's dad was a cook, the second a doctor, and so forth and so on.

"Shirtmaker," said one little girl.  "S-H-I-T-M-A-K-E-R."

"No, Little Suzie," said the teacher.  "Could you please try again?"

"S-H-I-T-M-A-K-E-R," spelled Suzie.

The teacher thanked Little Suzie and said that she would come back to her in a minute.  Little Johnny was next.

"My dad's a bookie," he said.  "And I'll give you 3 to 1 that Suzie spells shitmaker again."

We were in a restaurant when Little Westside Jonny told this joke and we both swear that Kenner got up and pounded on the table in the booth next to ours he was laughing so hard.