Girding of the Loins

Gird Up One's Loins:  To prepare oneself for something demanding. 

So.  My parents.  It wasn't easy on me and it is, I must remind you, all about me.  If not me, who?  You?  Please, that’s ridiculous.

It wasn’t been easy because my parents have gotten a lot older.  I don’t mean old I mean old.  I think people like me – somewhat old but mostly just getting bitchy because we’re not 20 anymore  – have gotten their minds around what it means to get older but not to get old. 

These visits make me come face to face with some of my shortcomings in one hell of a hurry.  I was pretty sure that I had completely eliminated all of my shortcomings - reaching a state of perfection on earth - so you can imagine what a shock to my system this was.  More defects of character!  Intolerance!  Impatience!!  That lovely, lovely finger-on-the-trigger temper, unleashed, roaming free, looking for targets!!  Everybody I know enjoys these aspects of my persona.

I'm not very patient with anyone.  My mother has been talking about the same things for 20 years.  They were nuts then and they’re nuts now.  I used to argue with her, reason with her, show her the errors of her ways, to absolutely no avail.  It used to make me mad.  Now I simply listen or pretend to, at least.  I haven't been able to change her mind lo these many years so why would I think I can change it now?  I still find the bile leaping to the top of my gorge as I gird up my loins to do battle again, before stopping up short, some of the time. 

Arguing about something with someone has held that something to be true for 85 years is not helpful to anyone.  That was not the purpose of the trip.  That was not the service.  I was there to listen to my mother tell me these patently false things once again.  It reminded me of what we do in The Fellowship - we listen to some crap from some newcomers.  It's crap and we know it and we're dying to tell them it's crap but that doesn't help anyone.