Walk All Over You

More thoughts about living a life of service, a phrase that does not now roll easily off my tongue and will never roll easily off my tongue even if I live to be as old as Abraham or my sponsor, both of whom are quite old.  I'll never be able to fully grasp the concept of doing something for someone else with no expectation of getting something in return, which is my understanding of the main reason that you would do something for someone else.  Otherwise, why do it?  It's a loser's game.  It's win-win.  I want I win-you lose.  That's my game.

"What's in this for me?" I mutter.

Every day I pray that my higher power will show me how I can be of service.  I really do this.  I should add that I do it while I stick my fingers in my ears and sing AC/DCs "Walk All Over You" as loud as I can.  My motives might be a little muddled.  Nonetheless, I think HP gives me lots of opportunities, most of which I miss or ignore.  In my defense I'm keeping my eyes open for the big, splashy opportunities where I help a lot of people to great public acclaim and heavy media coverage, hopefully making a lot of money in the process.  I don't see the point of quietly talking to another drunk in a corner of a ratty clubhouse.  Who's going to see that?  What's my reward?  If nobody knows that I did something selfless did I do anything at all?

I was in my seat a Lookout Joe's, in my black pork-pie hat, which I think makes me look very cool - I'm too humble to admit that openly - when a buddy from The Program swings by.  Spandex thinks I have a great plan: just keep showing up in the same place over and over, until people know where to find you, then wait for them to stop and chat.  That's assuming they want to stop when they see you, quite a leap of faith in my case.

My buddy tells me that he is giving a lead on Saturday night.  Normally, I don't go to lead or speaker meetings to hear people qualify their membership.  I can't pay attention for more than 10 minutes or so and frankly, most people aren't nearly as interesting to others as they are to themselves.  Trust me, I know what I'm talking about here.   We exaggerate and embellish and create.  We have lived in a fantasy world for so long that we don't have a great grasp on the real world.  We don't mean to do it, it just happens.

I went anyhow.  I think my friend appreciated it.  I think he appreciated the fact that I made an effort to stop by. 

It was not the kind of service I had envisioned for myself.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity.  I have crossed that line.