Tree Man!

I was talking to my friend Tree Man after a meeting this week, which I can only assume he needed more than I did, and I needed a meeting in the worst way. He mentioned my blog to a dude who strolled by, then suggested that he does so much blog promoting that I should pay him a retainer. That wasn't a bad suggestion, actually. If people only knew how much it meant to me when they read what I write. You can tell me what you think of me, or you can show me by your actions. I much prefer the actions. Talk is cheap.

"Tell you what," I said. "I'll split my profits with you."

"Deal," said Tree Man.

"I wanted to ask you something," he said. "I've noticed that even though I read this crap faithfully you've never written about me."

"I'm trying to get more people to read, not drive them away," I replied. "If I lose a couple of readers my circulation goes down by, like, half."

"I see," said Tree Man.

"Maybe you should do something interesting every now and then," I suggested.

"I'll see what I can do," he said. "But I did a lot of interesting things before I got sober, and to tell you the truth, I'm kind of done with interesting temporarily."

"Fair enough," I said.

One day SuperK stuck her head into my office as I was finishing up a typical phone call with an A.A. buddy.

"Why do these people even call you?" she asked. "You're such an asshole."

"You ought to hear what they say to me," I said.

Only in The Program.