Here Comes Da Bride

I went to a wedding yesterday for a good friend in The Program. I did not anticipate this event with a lot of enthusiasm. I'm not a very traditional person and I get easily annoyed by people, places, and things, and just about everything else not in those three categories. Actually, I don't look forward to doing anything as a general rule, preferring to isolate and think about myself and how I'm not getting everything I deserve, luckily for me. This is why I subscribe to the theater: if I didn't have the tickets I wouldn't go. Once I get some skin in the game I'm pretty reliable.

The funny thing is that I almost always have a good time once I get going on something. It's the fear of the terror of the anticipation that gets to me. And, of course, with someone else's wedding the entire focus is not on me, which is as it should be. But I ask you: why would I spend time thinking about someone else? That's counterproductive to my motto of All B-Man, All the Time.

I like the idea of being of service. Actually, no, I don't. However, I have learned how critical to my personal happiness and well-being this is, so I do it, grudgingly and under half-steam, which is better than doing it the way I used to do it, under no steam at all. Someone had turned off my boiler. So yesterday I took my camcorder to the wedding and made a tape to give to my friend. It was actually kind of fun: I got to stand up and display myself and walk in front of everybody and stuff like that. I looked important. I looked like I knew what I was doing, which was not the case. And a bunch of my A.A. friends were there. We sat together and talked and yukked it up and generally had a great time.

I'm pretty sure I had the camcorder paused about half the time.