"So, have you thought any more about our discussions concerning a murder-suicide pact?" These were the first words I spoke to SuperK this morning as she was doing some stretching and preparing for her Quiet Time. She did not find this question particularly unusual or alarming.
"Not really," she said. "Why do you ask?" Which is a pretty good follow up question in light of the opening remarks.
After 20 years of marriage we have pretty much run out of new things to talk about. We have been over most things a few times already. SuperK talks about work and I ignore her, and I free associate ridiculous and random things and she humors me. I have encouraged my friends and family to interrupt me when I retell a story, which I do a lot. I can't remember where I placed the glass of water that I filled 5 minutes ago. It's around here somewhere. I just went and got another glass. I'm on my second glass already, at 8AM.
I stressed this fact with Serenity Stan, a guy I talk to pretty regularly, when he isn't too full of himself. He's a very nice man, very polite. Now I get this most of the time: "Yeah, I've heard that." My stories are so compelling I would think he would listen just for the fascination of it, but I guess I made the offer.
I don't ignore SuperK on purpose or because I find what she is talking about uninteresting. It's that I have the attention span of a shrew on acid. Good acid, and a lot of it. I have trouble focusing. I believe, like all men, that I have the ability to listen to a woman talk while doing something else, like watch a basketball game that I don't care anything about. I feel like I can keep an eye on the first half of Tulsa-Wichita State, two schools that I have absolutely no interest in and have no reason to follow, while listening to a separate conversation.
SuperK came into my office and said: "I would never kill you, and if you killed me first I don't believe that you would go through with it. You'd back out at the last minute without telling me." This is a constant source of friction in our relationship -- that I change my mind and plans and don't let her know. I always defend myself but I'm always wrong. It's not something that I do willfully or with malevolence, it's just that I'm not thinking of anyone but myself.
Disclaimer: I have nearly completed my migration to full vegetarianism because the thought of animals being killed is too distressing. I abhor violence and would never kill anyone else and especially not myself. It's not that death is that terrifying -- well, maybe it is -- but that I'm afraid of pain. Death seems to involve pain a lot of the time, and I'm not going to rush things in that regard.
Point of fact: SuperK is way tougher than I am and would likely take me out before I could get to her. If you are worried about her, please feel free to call on her private line: Klondike-5- I Kill You.
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