The Four Horsemen

I usually wake up once in the middle of the night and head down to the kitchen for a piece of hot buttered toast. I have done this for many years and have no idea why anymore. I think it's like a little security blanket, a comforting routine. It's my wubby. I'm a lot more masculine talking about eating a piece of toast than admitting that I can't sleep without my tattered baby blanket, disgustingly dirty, with the frayed edges, laundered into a state of unimaginable softness. I DO NOT suck my thumb, however.


I crawled back into bed and tried to concentrate on taking some calming breaths and pondering pleasant thoughts to help me fall back asleep, which is not much of a problem as a general rule. I'm pretty sure I could sleep in the median of any major interstate or on a daybed at the edge of a busy airport runway. I maintain that this is because I'm totally at peace with my world. SuperK says I'm old. She has a way of cutting through to the truth of things.


Last night I found myself thinking about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Not the best choice in retrospect but it's what my mind latched onto, and my mind is firmly in control. I have to do what it wants. I don't have a vote. Probably The Committee decided that it was the evening's topic. I'm one of those people who gets a crummy song -- like the Ohio State fight song or the theme to Gilligan's Island -- stuck in my head, in an eternal loop. "OK, that's enough!" SuperK shouts. "I'm begging you -- please stop."


The Four Horsemen are Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death. Quite a group. I'm going to venture that Pestilence is the weak link. Pestilence: Any virulent or fatal contagious disease. Whew, that's a hell of a weak link. A deadly illness that spreads quickly and easily. I'm not going to look up the definitions of the remaining three Horsemen. If we added a fifth horseman, what could we come up with? I shudder to imagine.


Our Literature makes reference to The Hideous Four Horsemen: Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair. If we're going to play a little four on four pick-up basketball game, I'm betting on the Apocalypse guys. Bewilder: To confuse hopelessly; befuddle; puzzle. I think that War is going to post up Bewilderment and slam dunk on his head.

It's no wonder some of us have trouble sleeping.