Trudging

Trudge: To walk, especially wearily or laboriously.

Life consists of a lot of trudging. There is a lot of work involved. Trudging and working are not how I want to spend my time. I want to relax while I'm on vacation far from the madding crowd. When I add up all of the hours in a day that I have to spend doing non-exciting things it comes up to almost 32 hours, which doesn't leave much time for personal self-indulgence. To compound my dilemma, The Program has taught me that I need to voluntarily do other things that don't directly benefit me and bring me great pleasure, like putting the needs of others above my own. The idea is that this will benefit me in some intangible way in the future. That sounds terrible. Where's the fun in that?

Something in my alcoholic core is always going to resist the concept that life is not my own personal amusement park. I can't always get my hands around the fact that there is going to be pain involved, and boredom and obligation. I don't do obligation well. I don't suffer well. It seems so . . . unnecessary, and contradicts my personal philosophy of All Pleasure All the Time. And when I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that most of my difficulties are not that difficult, and they are usually of my own making.

It's time to grow up. Life can be a chore.