Thinking is Great

 I've come to believe that the distractions I encounter when I meditate are the whole point.  The key for me is to learn to deal with this crap.  Learning to notice them without being trapped in them.  That's what I'm trying to do.  That's why I meditate.  When my mind wanders I find it unpleasant, to be sure, but today I know that this is the normal operation of the mind.  It thinks.  It DOES NOT like things to be quiet.  It likes chaos.  It demands that it be in control.  I have let it ramble freely for much of my life, not always unpleasantly, to be sure.  Why would I expect it to buckle under and behave now?

So when a random thought pops into my mind while I'm meditating I try to look at it briefly, stare into its beady little eyes, and make the fucker the object of my meditation for just a moment.  I try to be aware of its characteristics: what is it?  how strong is it?  how long does it last?  And then back to the breath.

Thinking is great, as far as it goes.  If I want to be kind I can think kind thoughts but eventually I have to go out and do kind things.  A lot harder.  Thinking is easy.   Talking is harder but not by much.  I'm a good talker.  I'm a great thinker.  It's my doing that needs constant maintenance.

And once we decide to do something - especially change a habit or behavior of long-standing - we shouldn't expect to change it in one broad sweep.  The behavior that has taken over in tiny, incremental ways has to be edged out in a similar fashion.  The fact of taking these tiny steps is a great accomplishment because, little by little, we can reform our habits.