The concept of loving people for who they are and not for who I want them to be has really been percolating through my frontal cortex lately. And why would I want it to be any different? This attitude toward life allows me the leeway to have all kinds of unpleasant emotions and reactions to other people - friends, family, loved ones, casual acquaintances, coworkers - without the consequence of rejecting them as people. You don't believe the way I do? So what. You irritate the shit out of me from time to time? Good for you. Just because I occasionally have an unpleasant reaction to you as a person doesn't mean I can't allow you to be a presence in my life.
I have a friend from high school - high school! - who has been one of my dearest and closest friends for 45 years and with whom I argue and bicker all the time. I love engaging with him even though he annoys the hell out of me about 70% of the time. Our friendship is constant and enduring but if I sent you a transcript of some of our conversations you might be tempted to think otherwise. I cherish these differences. They're good for me. They make me stretch and grow and consider all kinds of matters from a different perspective. And they're a kind of mental combat which sharpens my wit and makes me engage in the world differently than I would if I were simply hanging around people who thought as I do.
I think it's a wonderful thing to be in conflict with others from time to time and not have a relationship be ruined. It enlarges my being. It allows me to make mistakes in my people skills with no long-term consequences and it makes me allow mistakes in others. I get to say: "Hmmm. Maybe he made a mistake. Maybe it was me was wrong. Hmmm."
No comments:
Post a Comment