Caffeine - The World's Most Widely Consumed Psychoactive Drug

Caffeine:  (Physical Side Effects, Potential): Minor undesired symptoms from caffeine ingestion not sufficiently severe to warrant a psychiatric diagnosis (The implication being, I believe, that some people are ingesting so much caffeine that this behavior falls under the auspices of Psychological Pathology - got to love THAT) are common, and include mild anxiety, jitteriness, insomnia, increased sleep latency, and reduced coordination.  Caffeine can have negative effects on anxiety disorder.  (Note to self: Hey, dumbass, before you drink any coffee remember that you have an anxiety disorder).  According to a 2011 literature review, caffeine use is positively associated with anxiety and panic disorders.  At high doses, typically greater than 300 mg, caffeine can both cause and worsen anxiety.  For some people, discontinuing caffeine use can significantly reduce anxiety.

In moderate doses, caffeine may reduce symptoms of depression and lower suicide risk.

Some textbooks state that caffeine is a mild euphoriant, others state that it is not a euphoriant, and one states that it is and is not a euphoriant, and one and one only says: "Fuck is a euphoriant?

One of the most popular exacerbants and accelerants of anxiety is caffeine.  It would make sense that I not ingest a substance that worsens the symptoms of anxiety as anxiety is a burr under my saddle, a stone in my shoe, a speck in my eye, a tick on my groin.  It would make sense.  That, alas, is not The Way of the Seaweed.  This obscure Way makes things worse, delays their improvement, exacerbates their defects as long as possible, and continues their use until the last, fucking, agonizing moment.

Once again I say this: if I find something unacceptable I will do absolutely everything within my power to bend the circumstances to my will.  Failing that - and only when utter, complete, abject failure is apparent - do I consider turning my life and my will over to the care of a higher power.  This despite my knowledge that the conventional wisdom is that this is ass-backwards.

I also see that I have these queer mental blank spots as far as my behavior is concerned.  The relevant story in our literature that uses this phrase concerns a man who has been sober for a little while and decides one day that if he puts a shot of whiskey in his glass of lunch milk that no harm would come of it.  This is a disconnect not far removed from deciding that putting one's hand on a hot stove would also be a good idea.  The folly of this plan is revealed when he wakes up, broke, in a distant city, with no idea how he got there.

I decided yesterday that I would have a cup of green tea instead of a cup of coffee right out of the chute, saving the blast from the big coffee caffeine until later.  Green tea has maybe 15% of the caffeine content as coffee, more than enough to jolt awake someone like me who requires 0% of the caffeine content of a glass of water to . . . you know . . . wake up.  

Last night I thought:"What if I have a half cup of coffee tomorrow morning and skip the tea?"  This seemed like a good idea until I was seated in my Quiet Time chair with a full cup of coffee,  an amount of caffeine that made me feel great for a few minutes before making me miserably anxious at which point I thought:"Fuck it." and went ahead and made the additional half cup of coffee that I usually have, apparently in an attempt to exacerbate the anxiety.  My nickname isn't Half Measures Seaweed unless you're talking about my efforts to work The Steps.

Tomorrow I live to fight again.