Xanax, Away!

So I have two hereditary blood clotting disorders.  While they're both uncommon they fortunately don't cause any complications in my life as long as I keep an eye on the symptoms that might indicate something is going sideways.  I've known for a couple of years that there's an optional outpatient procedure that might help head off any future problems but haven't taken advantage of this because it involves needles.  I'm not a needle guy.  It makes my stomach turn to think of sharp, stainless-steel projectiles being driven into my boy flesh so I justified not doing anything - first of all it's expensive and not covered by insurance - and secondly the disorders aren't killing me at the moment.  I think of it like having slightly elevated blood pressure - while medication can be helpful you also have to worry about side effects and also side effects that involve needles.  I don't know why blood pressure medication would require the use of needles but medical people like to stick people.  They don't fool me when they say: "Little stick" and then plunge a needle into my body.  I know what's coming.

So as I was listening to the intake nurse explain the prep work required for the procedure she mentioned the word "Xanax."  I'm blessed with very good health and haven't had to take any pain medication in 30 years of sobriety.  Couple of shots of Demerol to sedate me for two colonoscopies and big needles full of Novocaine for whatever evil shit dentists do inside my mouth - and the only thing better than needles in my body are needles in the wet mucous membranes found inside my mouth.  I explained that I'm in recovery and didn't want to take anything depressive unless the pain was going to be a real factor.  I'm a downer guy - the drugs that I liked, including alcohol, took the edge of my manic energy.  I don't get cocaine or meth or speed.  I'm up as soon as my eyes open in the morning - I'm not interested in getting more up.

She explained that the med was just for the anxiety that a lot of people feel contemplating the heavy use of needles being stuck inside their muscles and not for pain so she wouldn't write a prescription for the Xanax - and it was only for one stinking pill, too.  

I was proud of myself for being cautious.  Later, not so much.

The general drift of the procedure is that a physician stuck a pretty big needle into my leg and then dug and probed around - guided by an image on an ultrasound machine - until he got the tip of the pretty big needle inside of a vein at which point he injected a kind of glue or cement into it.  It wasn't great the whole needle in the leg thing but the digging around in there was not in the least appreciated.

So everything went OK, I think.  I didn't die on the operating table which I was pretty sure was going to happen and hopefully the operation is going to improve my circulation.  When SuperK picked me up I said: "You know, I think if I knew what it was going to be like I would taken the Xanax - that hurt."  She just shook her head.  She's not a drug person so she takes pain meds that a doctor prescribes but she understands why I try to stay away from them.

It occurred to me afterward that I made the call Xanax - Not Xanax without checking in with anyone in The Program.