Prayer

Prayer:  A practice of communicating with one's god (Ed. Note: I like how the definition is non-specific about the god part, choosing the possessive adjective one's instead of allowing god to exist as a stand-alone noun; as in, communicating with god).


When I was living at home, subsisting on my parents' nickle, it was off to church we go on Sunday. This was not debatable in any sense, shape, or form - Sunday was church and I was going.  Usually this was not so bad.  Often boring, sometimes pleasant, but generally not objectionable.  

Church is where I learned to pray.  That's the good news and that's the bad news.  I was glad to be given instruction in the act of praying, to reap its benefits, while occasionally chafing against uncomfortable feelings associated with the technique.  I recall a lot of specific praying for specific things, like relieve this person from that affliction or bless our attempts to do this or that.  I was never down with asking god for specific things - it seemed kind of bossy.  I also remember that some of the prayers were unnecessarily long, seeing as I was kneeling on a nicely padded . . . kneeler thing . . . no small feat for the terrifically hung over, tottering back and forth, back aching, stomach rolling, head pounding.

Away from home I abandoned the practice.  My diligent pursuit of the release presented to me by drugs and alcohol allowed me to abandon many things.  Many, many things.

The Fellowship suggested that prayer is an integral part of spiritual growth.  I approached it warily, circling prayer as if it was a Ukrainian Greco-Roman wrestler, feinting and juking, afraid of going down on my ass.  I tried the specific prayers for specific things technique and was amazed at how often my god seemed to find a loophole in those very selfish prayers with which he toasted my ass.  You know the hazard - "Please, god, get rid of my boss" morphed into my getting fired.  You see the trick?  Technically the boss was removed from my life.  I often tried to go back and clarify my request but going home is never easy to do.

So I got into the very vague prayers.  "Take care of me" and "Help me be of service" and shit like that.  Those are most admirable prayers but not very satisfying for the man who wants a red Ferrari.

The Fellowship provided me with the most brilliant of all qualifiers: "If it be thy will."  A praying man can dip into outrageously selfish waters if he adds that phrase.  Seriously, though, I've gotten comfortable asking for reasonable personal favors as long as I remind myself that I've got to be good with whatever transpires.  Take my needle-licious medical procedure.  I felt very comfortable saying: "I'd like this to turn out well.  If it doesn't, I'm good with that, too."

Remember: it's all about me.