Worry 101

The mind of an alcoholic and such matters . . . 

Laminate:  Material formed of thin sheets glued together.

A while back SuperK and I had the perfectly good carpet covering the floors of our trailer house ripped out so that we could install laminate flooring.  I didn't know what laminate was until I looked it up just now.  It's still somewhat unclear to me.  The stuff we have looks like wood so now our trailer house has a wood-like substance running from aluminum-shod wall to aluminum-shod wall.  We run a classy operation here.

We have been very happy with our new laminate floors.  A few months ago I happened to stumble across a news broadcast which alleged that there were types of laminate flooring where the thin sheets were glued together with a substance containing formaldehyde, a known carcinogen.  I did a little research and sure enough! - our laminate flooring was one of the offending brands.  So . . .  I'm living in a tin can pulsating with wave after wave of white-hot formaldehydic poison.

When I'm dying of something the best place to go is the internet, where I can confirm whatever irrational, paranoid thoughts I have pulsating through the fetid sewer that exists between my ears, and my research did not disappoint.

On a positive note I try to remember that I didn't bat an eye purchasing acid and pills and weed from guys who looked like they played lead guitar for a Norwegian death metal band, and I'm still walking the face of this earth, albeit a little more slowly than before.  If that didn't kill me I don't think this will, either.

And the facts . . . as facts are . . . are nuanced and inconclusive.  The test that found the formaldehyde was destructive in nature - the flooring was pulverized and then measured for formaldehyde so as long as we're not grinding up flooring and stuffing our mattresses with the debris we're probably OK.  Plus, the offending company mounted a robust defense debunking the alleged formaldehyde poisoning and a third party company also performed some testing which showed no off-gassing out of the ordinary plus we live in Vacation City where we have the windows open all of the time which one would assume would allow the poisoning fumes to vent plus did I mention that I used to drop acid by sucking a sheet of paper embossed with a picture of Satan that I bought off a dude in the back of a van at a Black Sabbath concert who advertised by yelling: "Acid!!  Weed!!  Quaaludes!!" at the top of his voice?

There is a seemingly endless supply of stupid things to worry about.

I'm off formaldehyde poisoning at this point and on to colon cancer.