Family Is Hard, Unless It's Someone Else's Family

I had back to back phone conversations with friends in The Program who are dealing with family situations right now - irritating family situations, as if there were any other kind.  It is amazing how we have to learn how to compromise, to get along with people who get under our skin from time to time.  One of the guys is on a vacation where a couple of his relatives are making what I consider pretty outrageous demands on everyone else without offering any concessions on their part.  I listened and I thought: "Well, tell them that you're going to do this and this and that , and they can go %$!! themselves if they don't like it."  I didn't say that but I did think it.  That I wouldn't have the chutzpah to do that with my family was immaterial to my desire to give him advice on what to do with his family.

We find ourselves in situations where we can't just do what we want, especially with family and jobs.  I don't think my buddy would put up with this kind of behavior from a friend.  It really is crappy behavior.  I know when I'm dealing with an individual who makes a lot of demands on me without offering much in return I go find someone else to talk to.  This, of course, is not practical when we're talking about in-laws and parents and the guy in the cubicle right next door.

The trick for me is to find that middle ground.  I'm not a doormat and I'm not a sultan - I'm somewhere in the middle.  Sometimes I think I avoid confrontation at my own expense, and then I remember that I'm the one with a Program, I'm the guy with the tools to handle life sanely.  Frankly, I don't know how people make it down the block without the tools I've got.

My friend really is a nice guy.  I wouldn't have been so generous with my spirit.  He's one of those guys who's going to be up in Heaven, peering through the sulfur and bubbling, molten limestone at me, wherever I end up.