Relapse

Relapse:  To recur; to worsen, be aggravated; to slide or turn back into a former state or practice.

I had a new-ish guy call me yesterday and reveal that he thinks his best friend in The Program is using.  I quickly dispensed glib and insightful advice along these lines: "Uhhhhh.   Ummmmm.   Duhhhhhh" and other bon mots of equal worth.  It's really hard to tell someone that alcoholics drink sometimes - it's what we do - and that often the only support we can offer is to be there should the drinker want to talk about it.  There was nothing I hated more than having someone who wasn't drinking tell me I shouldn't drink.  I knew I was messing up - I didn't need anyone piling on.  I know I should stop eating breakfast cookies, too, but eat them I do.  It's isn't helpful to hear that maybe an apple would be a better choice.  I'm always going to choose the breakfast cake over the fresh fruit.

And I think we need to be careful that we don't gossip about a potential offender, too.  It's not our business to go around whispering: "I think so and so is drinking."  That doesn't help anyone and god help you if the guy isn't drinking and he finds out you've been telling people behind his back that he is.  That's burning your bridges, bombing the rubble, and burying the crap that's left  You can kiss that relationship good-bye.

That being said I personally don't take any crap from anyone.  If you want to drink and skulk around that's up to you but I'm not going to hang around with you.  It doesn't do me any good and it makes me mad when someone goes back out, especially someone I care about.  They've taken my trust and tossed it away.  When someone comes back to us I thank them for returning but I never tell them that what they did is OK.

Because it isn't.