Super Fun Lady

Passive:  Offering no opposition or resistance; submissive; yielding; patient.
Aggressive:  An unprovoked attack or invasion.


SuperK and I went swimming this morning and then out to coffee.  It's July 22 so we decided to sit outside at the coffee shop, an eminently reasonable thing to do during the dog days of summer.  It's also in the 50s, cloudy, and the wind is blowing briskly.  We shivered for half an hour or so, then threw in the towel and left for home.  As we approached our building we saw the So What Do You Do For Fun! couple standing near the front entrance.  Initially, I was relieved that it wasn't Entitled Parking Lady but quickly remembered that, while this couple is less directly offensive, they're more subtly irritating.  Kind of like a tooth ache.  It isn't killing you but you know it's there.


"Don't say anything about the weather," I mumbled to SuperK as we walked up to the building.  People in The New City are a little touchy about the weather.  I guess when you have to listen to anyone who isn't a native bitch constantly about the weather it gets a little tiring.  Personally, I think bitching about the weather is our nation's constitution.  It's an Unalienable Right.  


Super Fun Lady informed us that they were going to a Tai Chi picnic.  I know . . . I don't what that is, either.  She looked like she should probably go to the Don't Eat Any Potato Salad picnic but I'm trying to be non-snarky here.  You can see that it isn't working very well.  This is why, despite my nearly 25 years of sobriety, I have to go to meeting nearly every day.  It keeps me just slightly out of the Asshole Zone.


Keeping the tone light, SuperK, the more normal of the Seaweed twins, said: "Well, don't get carried away and hurt each other."  It was a joke.  It was a pretty inoffensive joke.


Super Fun Lady LOVES it when she can tell you how much more she knows about something than you do.  It doesn't make any difference to her that this is often not the case - she simply assumes that it is, despite reams of evidence to the contrary, and begins to Inform Us.  She  took some time to preach to my wife about what Tai Chi is and what Tai Chi isn't, validating the theory that there is nothing more appreciated in the world than unsolicited advice coming at you in a condescending manner.  As if we thought that this woman was going to put on a leotard and throw someone over her shoulder.


When she was done lecturing us she asked about our plans for the day.  She mentioned an outdoor jazz festival that was going on.  I was trying to get inside so I could take a hot shower and put on my long underwear.  I sure as shit was not going to go back outside and spend the day in a park, freezing my ass off.


So I mentioned the weather.


"Oh, I see," she said.  "It has to be sunny and warm."  This was way snarkier than the Tai Chi 
lecture.  It was brilliantly passive aggressive.  I know because I have a Masters in passive aggressive.  Pretend that you're not pissed at someone when in fact you're REALLY pissed at them, then make them try to figure out why you're angry, neither confirming or denying anything.  Stretch this state out as long as possible.


We got back inside.  


"Good job with the weather comment, " SuperK commented.


I laughed.


"Why did you even stop at the front door?" I said.  "You should have keep moving, at a brisk pace."


"So now this is my fault?" she asked.


"Of course it's your fault," I said.  "That's how it works around here.  You should know that by now."


"Unfortunately," she replied.  "You make it difficult for those of us who try to get along with other people in the real world, those of us who have a conscience."


She's got me there.