And another thing: I have no idea why I spend any time at all working so hard to get the things that I want, because I have NO IDEA what it is I want. I pick something, seemingly at random, then I focus all of my energies in trying to secure it. And on the off chance that I do secure this thing that I'm not even sure I want, I almost never enjoy having it, or I find that's its pleasures are fleeting or much diminished considering my out-sized expectations. It's almost like I pick something at random.
Here I am, looking at something inexplicable that I'm holding in my cupped hands:
(Perplexed): "What the hell did I want this for? What is this, anyway?"
People keep telling me to do god's will. Maybe I've misinterpreted that as dog's will. Why is it so #$!%!! hard to understand that the whole goal is not to pursue my own instincts but to try to do the will of god?
A wise man of the cloth once pointed out to me that our instincts for money, sex, and a place in society were installed in us to keep us alive, not to provide us pleasure. The belief that instincts help us secure what we want is our own corruption. They help us secure the necessities of existence.
He said it a lot better than I just did.
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