People Who Don't Like Me

I went to a little family reunion thing recently. I'm not particularly well liked by my family, as astounding as this may be for someone who is so universally loved and admired and revered and cherished and . . . did I say loved already? It won't hurt to say it again. I am definitely the individual in my family who isn't DOING IT RIGHT. I'm going to admit that this is the truth. They all do it one way - a perfectly fine way of doing things, by the way - and I do it another way. I almost always do things the other way. There's the right way, the smart way, and there's my way. Actually, I don't think that they actively dislike me but I do think if I never showed up at any family gatherings, which I'm doing with increasing frequency, anyway, that no one would be too upset.



As a people pleaser, my emotional development, such as it is, has gone through a few different phases. At first, it was important that everyone liked me. I would do whatever it took to make you like me, even if you clearly didn't like me. In fact, I was drawn like a bear to honey to anyone who didn't like me. I was especially interested in spending time with these people. I would knock someone down who liked me to get close to someone who didn't. I was obsessed with getting the people who didn't like me to like me. I could have cared less about those of you who did like me, on the occasions when I could find you.



Then I came to the shocking revelation that some of you just don't like me, and that was never going to change. Now, I don't like some of you, and this makes perfect sense to me. I have totally justified this internally. I can see your faults. But I had a lot of trouble grasping the concept that other people might not like me. I have hidden my faults so well.

Finally, I have come to the conclusion that this is all OK. I'm amused when I run into people who don't like me. I'm not suggesting any malevolence here, either, active hatred or anything like that. There are just some people who would rather go talk to some other people who aren't me.

So be it.