Kick the Can

Stupid: In a state of stupor; dazed; stunned; stupefied; lacking normal intelligence or understanding; slow-witted; dull.

It's not that I don't do stupid things anymore. I don't mean to imply that. It's more along the lines that I don't do as many stupid things or that I don't do really stupid things or at least I pause a couple of beats before doing something stupid. That seems to be the big advantage to having some clean and sober time under my belt. It's not that I'm no longer stupid. I'm still stupid. I'm just not as stupid as I used to be.

I heard at a meeting that we still have all of the defects we had when we got sober; it's simply that they aren't as bad as they used to be. I'm still trudging down the path of life. I'm under no illusion anymore that I'm not going to get knocked off course or stray right into the brambles all by myself. However, I don't get absolutely blasted 50 yards off track any more. I used to wander so far off the path that I couldn't find it with a GPS and certified guide.

I talked to my buddy EMC this morning about something big he has been dealing with in his life. We discussed the importance of kicking the can forward, using terminology appropriate for the emotional 10 year olds that we still are. I kick the can. Sometimes I don't get too much distance when I kick the can. Sometimes I whiff and pull a groin muscle. Sometimes some asshole trying to impede my halting progress in getting what I want comes out of nowhere and and punts my can 10 yards backward, erasing all of my steady 6 inch incremental gains.


That's OK today. Today I go back and start kicking the can again.