Once Again: Me.

Conundrum: A riddle whose answer is a pun; any puzzling question or problem.

I often ponder the difference between my will and god's will. It's quite the conundrum. I am perfectly acquainted with my will. I should probably capitalize that for effect: My Will. Maybe all caps: MY WILL. Then I could throw in an exclamation point, a couple of exclamation points: MY WILL!! Now we're talking.

Anyway, MY WILL!! seems to revolve around the essential tenets of More money, More power, More sex. Maximize the pleasure, minimize the pain, that sort of thing. God's will is a little trickier. It seems to revolve around not doing MY WILL!! but seeking god's will, which brings me back around to the problem of not knowing what god's will is for me. It's all very circular. And a lot of the time, when I'm running amok, which is most of the time, god's will seems to stand in direct opposition to me doing my will.


The Program seems to put a lot of emphasis on being of service to others. I don't see how this helps me get what I want, which is other people being of service to me. In fact, it appears to be diametrically opposed. I heard early on that You Have To Give It Away To Keep It. That made no sense whatsoever, accustomed as I was to trying to get other people to give things to me. If I gave something away I didn't get to keep it. "Great," I thought. "These people are insane," I thought. "How do I get out of here, anyway?"


I think god wants me to seek to do his will. God knows I don't know his will. It's a little party trick he likes to trot out. I think that God wants me to give it a shot, at least pretend that I have some interest in other people and in trying to find my place in the grand scheme of the universe. He knows that in my essence I don't, really, have any interest in anyone but myself but he gives a lot of points for effort. It's like when you're polite to someone you can't stand.

It's just the right thing to do, I think.