Always Leave a Meeting With More Money Than You Came in With

"It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up  for suffering.  We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything.  The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.  We could swear they are real.  We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking (Ed. Note: Thinking! Thinking!!) - we take it personally."

The Four Agreements

"Nobody is thinking about you."

Stevie Seaweed

Over the years I've had friends read my writing.  From time to time one of them will read an entry and think I'm talking about them.  "Was that last entry about  me?" they'll ask, with a proud and knowing nod of their misguided heads.  If it's something positive I often tell a little white lie and say: "Yes!  That was about you."  Here's the thing though - it has never been about the person who thinks it's about them.  It's always about me and my humorous attempts to learn what an asshat I am by poking fun about myself.

Me!  Me!! Me!!!

As if that's not bad enough I'll make it worse: most of what I say and write . . . well . . . I'm making it up.  If I tell a story about something that happened to me it almost certainly did not happen to me.  It's a story.  That's all it is.  I'm a confusing blend of German practicality and common sense and Scottish storytelling bullshit artistry.  Moreover, I bet all that LSD I did rewired some important circuits in my head.  On the one hand I'm trying to dazzle you, to lure you into a maze of circular logic, and on the other hand I'm trying to spin a good yarn.  I firmly believe that truth is no hindrance to a good story!  That's a bedrock Seaweed belief and I hew to it with great vigor.  And it gets more and more worser . . . I've been lying for so long that I actually believe most of what I'm saying.  I'll be in the middle of a ripping good tale and start thinking: "Did I ever do this?  I don't think I did this.  I may be making this up!"  But I keep on going.

Yesterday at the meeting I started my share with this: "It's a good meeting when I leave with more money than I came in with."  Nothing.  I got nothing.  I thought it was fucking hilarious and there were only a few quiet titters.  That one should have brought down the house.