Many, Many Repetitions

"Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living; therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.'s Twelfth Step."

12&12 P. 125

"I had to face the ever-present knowledge that my every action, word, and thought was within, or outside, the principles of the program.  The only course open to me . . . was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility."

Daily Reflections February 16

I really, really like the reminder that ultimately it's my responsibility to act, speak, and think in a loving and spiritual manner.  This can be difficult because often my instincts demand that I trample on the rights of my fellow man.  I like the suggestion that I'm the one responsible to impose this disciplined way of living on myself.  I know when I'm acting well and when I'm not.  I can keep acting the way I've always acted or I can make an effort to behave better.  Often, today, I do this, but not always.  Sometimes I get lazy and act, speak, or think like a dick.  Sometimes I enjoy doing this or otherwise why wouldn't I stop?  Man, I'm trudging and trying and that's all I can do.  I'm trying my best all of the time . . . some of the time . . .  every now and then .  .  . okay, I'm not trying my best very often but it sounds better to say that I am.

The line from Step Twelve tells me that the joy of living comes by practicing good action. 

The payoff of "good living" is joy.  And joy is the theme of the Twelfth Step.  I learn from this man I talk to at length every week who mentions women every time we talk.  Every time.  He's married and professes to be faithful in his marriage - and I don't doubt this - but he talks about women every time and he often describes his behavior in a way that make me wonder if it's borderline enough that it may eventually lead from sketchy behavior to destructive behavior. When I point this out to him his response has been along the lines of "I know what my bedevilments are."  That's a good start in my opinion but a start is all it is.  If I have behavior I want to change I have to recognize the behavior, then I need to change the behavior.  If I understand what I'm doing and I don't change I assume that I'm okay with the sketchy behavior.  Or I'd change it.  Sometimes I take a little pleasure in the behavior and this pleasure is sweeter than the work I need to do.  I guess what I'm doing is saying: "Fuck it.  Not going to change."

Because I believe spirituality is universal I'll toss in a Toltec principle: "What will really make the difference is action.  Taking the actions over and over again strengthens your will, nurtures the seed, and establishes a solid foundation for the new habit to grow.  After many repetitions these new agreements will become second nature."

I note the phrase "many repetitions."  I note the phrase "over and over again."  When I watch a golfer hit a beautiful drive what I have to remember is that she has practiced that drive over and over again.  The repetition has built up muscle memory so that she can take the action without a lot of thinking.  It is an ingrained habit.