I include a similar sentiment in my remarks on occasion, this sense that I was putting far more time into getting away with not working than I would have put into . . . you know . . . just doing the work. I was in a General Motors factory once where a supervisor said that the company bought a bunch of bicycles to help the line workers move around the huge facility more quickly. The assumption was that these were pretty big items that would be hard to steal and consequently didn't need any theft protection. In short order that some of the employees figured out that if they dismantled the bike and smuggled the smaller parts out piece by piece they could get away with the theft and voila! free bike! I marveled at the fact that if this kind of ingenuity would have been put to practical use the thieves would have been promoted to positions of greater responsibility where they would have made more money and would have been able to just easily buy a new bike.
"My egocentricity had reached such proportions that adjustment to anything outside my personal control was impossible for me."
Egocentrism is the cognitive, often subconscious, inability to differentiate one's own perspective, thoughts, and feelings from those of others, leading to asn assumption that others experience the world the same way. It is a normal developmental stage in children but can persist in adults, manifesting as selfish, self-centered behavior or a failure to consider alternative viewpoints.
There's an old sitcom called "WKRP in Cincinnati" which centered around a small radio station that played classic rock and was staffed by a very committed group of rock and roller outcasts. Because the station wasn't making enough money the owners decided to switch the format to easy listening. This upset the staff immensely. As they were in a turmoil, discussing possible plans of action, the sales guy came in, a dense and tremendously egocentric buffoon, and shouted over the din: "What a minute, wait a minute! (Comedic pause.) "How does this affect me?" This scene has stayed with me over the years as an example of egocentrism run amok. We all need to aware of our own needs and wants. This is perfectly normal and a necessary survival instinct. But we are higher beings - or we strive to be - and this means that we learn - or we should learn - about considering the needs and wants of others. And, taken to a spiritual extreme, putting those needs and wants above our own.
Who the fuck does that?!
"With deep shame came the knowledge that I have lived with no sense of social obligation nor had I known the meaning of moral responsibility to my fellow man."
Another great realization. I am proud to live an independent life. It's part of the magic that makes me who I am. But, in my drinking days (and occasionally, still, at this later date) I took this independance to an unhealthy extreme and slowly became a selfish dude who didn't give a shit about anyone else. Our Book is peppered with reminders that a life spent in service to others is deeply satisfying. It reminds us that our sobriety is dependant on passing along the gift - free of charge, with no expectation of any return - that was so freely given to us. We are exhorted to live a life of service to others . . . at our own expense . . . and anything that we lose, or think we lose, will be returned to us in a larger measure.
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