I STILL Want to be God

"Sometimes we are told in A.A. not to try and learn the reasons for our drinking.  But such is my nature that I must know the reason for things, and I didn't stop until I had satisfied myself about the reasons for my drinking.  To my way of thinking, alcoholism is a state of being in which the motions have failed to grow to the stature of the intellect.  What is causing us to drink, therefore, is a sense of inadequacy, a childish vanity to be the most popular, the most sought after, the mostest of the most.  I wanted a cosmos, a universe all my own which I had created and where I resigned as chief top resigner and ruler over everyone else.  Okay, okay - I wanted to be God."

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous P. 535  

Love this passage.  There is nothing like an emotionally immature and stunted child who believes he or she is too smart for this world.  I dunno . . .  I took a drink and I took a drug and it did something to me that it doesn't do to the vast majority of people.  I know this because I talk to other alcoholics and they report the exact same reaction.  It lights up some weird pleasure/pain center in my brain that makes me go back over and over even when I know that the effects are injurious.

"For me, A.A. is a synthesis of all the philosophy I've ever read, all of the positive, good philosophy, all of it based on love.  I don't care too much about personal fame or glory, and I want only enough money to enable me to do the work I feel I can perhaps do best.  (Ed. Note: Boy, sounds like bullshit to me . . . )  The more you give, the more you get.  The less you think of yourself the more of a person you become."

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous P. 542-3