One Resentful Alcoholic at at Time

Yesterday I received a phone call from a disgruntled member friend in Alcoholics Anonymous and I also received a text from another disgruntled member that had a similar tone and timbre.  I need to reply with some thoughts to both of them.  I'm going to work it out here before I commit to opening my mouth.  Look before you leap.  Measure twice - cut once.

I sent this note to a guy who was full of resentment and grievance that no one in A.A. was staying in touch with him while he's going through some medical issues but that his wife's family - from a Middle Eastern country - are constantly checking in.  Out of kindness I'm at this point not going to mention that I will occasionally send him a note and that he never does the same.  Or that when I sent him some pictures from Antarctica is response was not expansive.  Dismissive wouldn't be an outrageous characterization of his response.  But, my job here is to be positive and not negative.  Most people respond better to kindness than they go to opprobrium.  

"As you know I have lived in five states during my recovery and in two of those states I lived in different cities.  My experience has been: Out of sight, Out of mind.  I've always tried to be proactive in staying in touch with people in A.A.  My experience is that once I'm not present my memory fades quickly.  I found I was doing a lot of work staying in touch with my friends and they weren't doing any work staying in touch with me.  So I began to develop a resentment which I nurtured for the longest time before deciding that I didn't want to be mad at my friends so maybe my staying in touch with them was my way of Being of Service.  My experience is also that No One is Thinking About Me and I say this with only a touch of irony.  I spend all day thinking about myself while getting resentful that everyone else is thinking about themselves and not me.  I say this with absolutely no irony.  It's so stupid and short-sighted that it's not ironic.  It's just selfish.

When I was in Antarctica - which is pretty amazing! - I was gone - for a month!! - and I received precisely . .  . hmmm . . . . add the  first three columns, divide by the square root of twenty-seven and subtract the mean weight of a European swallow . . . and the total is . . .  Zero!!!  Precisely no one checked in to see how I was doing!!!!  And when I sent pictures out to people the responses were brief and perfunctory.  This bothered me not at all.  This is far more common that anything else.  And when I returned some people said: "Welcome back.  How was your trip?" and that was the end of the commentary.

I don't think what you're experiencing in the hustling and bustling United States.  I think what you're experiencing with your Syrian friends is indicative of that culture.  So I'm also asking myself: What am I contributing?  What am I doing to ease the mind of a friend or fellow member?