And We Change Our Minds

For a variety of reasons holidays can be difficult for people - loneliness for some, pressure to have the "perfect" celebration, the stress of being around family members and friends with whom you don't feel particularly close or even close at all or maybe you don't even like them a little bit and maybe you  can't stand their stinking guts . . .  these are all more common than we like to think.

SuperK and I aren't really wrapped up in the expectations of the Holiday Season.  We just aren't.  Our family histories are part of this as is our natural skepticism of behaving in a conventional, appropriate manner.  So often we travel.  When we aren't gone I poke around in my meeting to see if there are any members at loose ends or alone that might want to do something with someone.  I know a new-ish woman who moved here not long ago from New York and when I asked her if she wanted to join SuperK and me for a Christmas meal she immediately accepted.  I was somewhat surprised, and even more skeptical that she would follow through, so I assured her later that if she changed her mind it would be no problem.

Here's the thing about new people: they are so eager to please that they agree to things without carefully considering the implications of what they're agreeing to.  We're afraid to hurt people's feelings by saying no and this is compounded by the fact we don't even know yet what we like to do or don't like to do.  So I kept checking my messages.  I was skeptical this was going to go off as planned.  Nothing.  Nothing.  Then, half an hour before the meeting, she cancelled, with vague reasoning.  I was not surprised.  Why this young woman would want to go to lunch with some diffuse hipster old enough to be her dad and some woman she doesn't know - strangers are intimidating to new people, just being with folks we don't know - and she doesn't appear to be a morning person and the winter weather wasn't cooperating and she recently moved about a half an hour inland so . . . yeah . . . not surprised this happened.  My rule with new new people is to never make plans to meet them unless it's someplace I'm going to anyway.  That way their understandable and totally predictable unreliability doesn't affect my mood.  Before I walked into the meeting - well attended on Christmas Day - I paused to send her a text assuring her all was well all was well all was well, and she immediately responded with gratitude I could feel infusing the satellite waves and wafting over the miles.  Her guilt was oozing over the mountains from her new home and the last thing I want to do is make someone feel worse.