A Tutorial

 How to Be an Alcoholic: A Tutorial

Alcoholics are negative.  If you're a positive person get the fuck outta here.  I've never met a naturally positive alcoholic and I've met a lot of alcoholics.  You need to be careful when talking to alcoholics because even if you are complimentary they will find a way to spin it negatively.

Alcoholics have a need for speed.  Alcoholics are not patient.  They do not drive the speed limit.  They never say: “No rush - take your time.”  They knock you down trying to get to the next thing that they need to do even if they don't even want to do it and especially even if they don't know what the next thing even is.

Alcoholics are terrified of change even though they aren't satisfied with the way things are and they want to change everything all at once and right now!  Not later!  I don't have to fucking think about it!