Pride: Most of the definitions of pride mention "reasonable self-esteem" but there are secondary definitions that characterize pride as "exaggerated self-esteem." There's an old joke about an elephant being a mouse built to an alcoholic's specification . . .
For pride, leading to self-justification and always spurred by conscious or unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress.
Self-justification: When individuals rationalize their actions, beliefs, or feelings to maintain a positive self-image, even when those actions contradict their values or beliefs.
Boy, that's a doozy of a definition. Boy, that sounds like me when I was running and gunning, vaguely aware that what I was doing was none too smart but doing it anyway. "I'm on LSD and I've downed a twelve pack . . . but I'm good to drive!" This was usually spoken with bright optimism.
Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us . . .
Pride slips in to justify our excesses.
The Bible defines pride as something a lot more sinister: an excessive and sinful self-regard, often characterized by arrogance, haughtiness, and a rejection of authority. It implies that pride is self-worship. It's one thing to be proud of an accomplishment and another altogether to refuse to admit to any faults or poor behavior because I think I'm better than you so I must be doing a lot.
My perception is that a lot of my personal spiritual growth has revolved around an expanding awareness of self. I was too aware of my own self pre-recovery - which is bad enough in and of itself - but my awareness was jacked. It was an illusion, a hallucination, a wraith. I don't know who's self I was aware of but it wasn't mine because the self I was reviewing was not acting the way I was acting. I was imagining a self that wasn't my own self and if you had showed me a video of that non-existent self I would have thought "What an asshole." That's where pride steps in! Exaggerated self-esteem! What's the matter with that? Who's got a problem with that? THAT'S the asshole, not me.
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