The Actor

Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.  If arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great.  Everybody, including himself, would be pleased.  Life would be wonderful.  In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous.  He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing.  On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest.  But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.  What usually happens?  The show doesn't come off very well.

"When I'm finally made King of the World then everyone would be happy."

Me.

It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenly realizing that we did not know a single line of our parts.

More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life.  He is very much the actor.  To the outer world he presents his stage character.  This is the one he likes his fellows to see.

I think that Bill W secretly wanted to be an actor rather than a stock broker. Dude loved attention. Dude loved to be the center of attention. Dude loved to be control of everyone and everything. I think deep down I should have been a director. You - stand here. You - do this. You - get the fuck off my stage! I would have made a great director. It's not only that I know what's best for everyone but that everyone agrees that I know what's best for everyone else.

Of this I am certain.

For by this time sanity will have returned. 

Yeah, well, sanity may have returned but then it leaves again, sometimes for a long time.  And we're defining "sanity" loosely here.  What most people consider insane aren't things that I'm especially worried about.  SuperK points this out quite frequently when I protest.  As in, "normal people don't do that."