Friday, January 5, 2024

Jeebus Walks Into a Bar . . .

 I was mulling over the epithet "Jesus H. Christ" the other day when it dawned on me that I didn't know what the "H" stood for.  Harold?  Harlan?  Hank?  "This is my friend, Jesus Harlan Christ."  I mean the whole epithat is bullshit, frankly.  Jesus' last name isn't "Christ."  No one knows what his last name is.  Maybe they didn't know what his last name was.  Could have been Bookman.  Jeebus of Nazarene or Jeebus, Son of Joseph, both bandied about..

This led to an extended revery on whether or not famous religious figures or godheads had a sense of humor.  I can't imagine Allah telling a joke.  What if Jeebus had quipped, right after causing?  allowing?  making?  Lazarus rise from the dead something like this: "C'mon, Laz, what's with the ragged clothes?  Put on a tie or something.  I've got a crowd here and it's Sunday, for chrissake."  Or asking the guard who was proffering a sponge soaked with wine and vinegar as an analgesic for a dirty martini instead.  Now the Buddha I can see cracking wise from time to time but . . . Jeebus?  And even less likely, IMO, would be someone cracking Jeebus up.  "Stop, stop, I going to pee my robes," Jeebus is shouting.  If Jeebus had a sense of humor wouldn't there be a picture of him smiling?  ONE picture?  He always looks so serene and celestial and pensive.  The way I see it is that people don't like religion primarily because it is fucking unfunny.  Give me a smile, for god's sake!

Jeebus, the Dalai Lama, and Buddha walk into a bar. "How come it's THE Dalai Lama, THE Buddha, but I'm not THE Jesus . . . . "

In a parallel but not sequential universe do you think Super Man had super humor?  Flying, super strength, X-ray vision, but can't tell a good joke?  I never heard him say anything funny.

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