Change That Resentment

 Change: To become something different; to make something into something else.

I know I've looked this word up many times, fraught with great importance as it is.  I just love the idea: something then something else.  One thing then another thing completely different.   The topic in the meeting this morning was change.  The leader has a shit-ton of sobriety and she's struggling with this great transition from an on-line CoVid pandemic society to one that's opening up.  It's weird, frankly.  I didn't mind going virtual in my recovery life until I started to get tired of looking at people on a screen and now I'm getting up to trundle off to an early morning meeting thinking: "Fuck this getting up early stuff."  That's me - whatever it is I find something objectionable about it.  If I change something I bitch about it and then if it changes back exactly the way it was I bitch about that even though it's what it was in the first place.

Whew.  I'm confusing myself.

I'm really fascinated with this idea of a resentment right now.  If I see someone kicking a dog is my dislike for this person a resentment?  It sure doesn't seem that way to me at the moment.  What if I'm sitting in my car and somebody I know knocks out my windshield, hires a good lawyer, and skates free on a technicality?  How do I deal with this person?  Am I supposed to like him?  Is the absence of a resentment simply that I don't let this guy live rent free in my head?  Do I forgive him and then what?  Back to normal, more standoff-ish, or active animosity?   I've never been too invested in the idea of acceptance, either.  Am I supposed to stand by while someone kicks that dog thinking: "Everything is exactly as it should be in God's world."  That doesn't seem right.

This is life, isn't it?  What a weird, wild ride it is sometimes.