Be Thou Quiet

There's a lot of stuff in our literature about relationships.  None of the stuff that I've read implies that we're very good at relationships.  When I say "none" what I mean is"none." There's no nuance here.  I don't believe that makes alcoholics especially unique because relationships are hard for a lot of people who don't abuse alcohol but we do take it to an art form

"Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes . . . "  There's another sentence that I'm too lazy to look up that suggests that our lousy relationship skills cause us almost all of the woe that there is.

I've been talking to a new guy who has two children with two different women and is currently living with a woman who has two kids of her own.  This dude is tinkering on a machine that has a lot of moving parts.  He's working hard on his Program and on all of these important relationships - he's doing well, but understandably struggling from time to time.  He's in a complex of situations any one of which could cause him some headaches.

The advice that comes out of my mouth sounds so obvious, yet is so difficult to put into motion. 

Thou shalt keep thy mouth shut a great deal of the time as the shit that comes out of thy mouth is generally stupid.
Thou shalt think of another before thinking of thyself.  Quit laughing - we're serious here.
Thou shalt do all of this shit even when thy opponent . . . er, loved one . . . is behaving badly which thy loved one will certainly do.  Thou must keep thy mouth shut even when thou be-ist right.

Now we stand on our own two feet as people in recovery - we don't beg or grovel or allow anyone to blame us for everything constantly.  Still, it's up to us to go the extra mile.