A great tearing away is in process at the moment. A shift has occurred. I no longer am anything but a visitor and I finally feel content with this. At peace with this, anyway. I don't want to come back and make people uncomfortable. My in-laws are totally at a loss and/or uninterested in engaging with me. I got stuck with my brother-in-law for a few minutes and neither of us knew what to do. Check that - I knew what to do. Clam up and get away. The time to make an effort is in the past. A couple of times I just lied so I could get away from them so all of us could do what we wanted to do which was get away from the other person. It felt like a kindness, not a deception.
Of course, on one of the evenings I said that I was going to stay in my hotel room and watch a football game instead of joining everyone at the country fair for a demolition derby. I waited for everyone to clear out and then drove over by myself to buy some crappy but delicious fair food to eat and wander contentedly around, taking in the sights, enjoying the autumn evening. Not five minutes into my jaunt, in the middle of this large, jam-packed fair, I hear someone say: "Seaweed. You decided to come anyway."
My brother-in-law.
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