Train Day

Today is Take The Train day.  We feel some trepidation because our last train ride was in India, home of the 50 year old train with open air squatting holes for bathrooms - I can still remember like it was yesterday, the cold air massaging my ass as I pooped over the tracks rushing by 3 feet below, trying to translate the odd wordage of the sign which said something along the lines of "No Crapping When The Train Is Stopped."  I think they wanted to avoid the steaming pile of shit sitting on the tracks in the station when the trains moved on - as they did fitfully, with no rhyme or reason and no explanation from anyone official - preferring that the feces be sprayed over a wide area at 35MPH.

Yeah, well, okay.  The main station is staffed by agents fluent in English ably assisted by floor assistants fluent in English who help us navigate the system.  They take credit cards of all make and model.  The ticket has the track number on it as do the electronic signs above the entrance to that particular track AND the electronic signs up and down the platform next to the clearly marked train.  In case you're still not sure what you're going people employed by the railroad get off the train at each stop who can help, also fluent in English.  In case there's still a problem, the cars themselves have electronic signs scrolling the current stop, the next stop, the time of the day, and the exact minute that you're going to die.  In case all of this is still not enough, a woman announces the name of the next stop in Danish and English.  I was a little disappointed that someone didn't get off the train and carry me around piggyback for the rest of the trip.

The train itself would be at home atop a NASA rocket, substituting for the control module.  It is smooth and quiet and fast, the seats comfortable, the stops timed down to the millisecond.

And the bathrooms!  I may buy more train tickets just to use the bathrooms.  I would be PROUD to have one of the train bathrooms installed in my trailer home.