Free, Free, Set Me Free

Free:  Not imprisoned or enslaved.

I have had a couple of things bugging me.  It's not the bugging part that's so irritating or the things that are causing the bugs but the fact that I've been bugged for far too long and with far too much intensity given the nature of the bugs - it's that I have done what all good rationalizing drunks do - I've endured the bugs.  I hope that they'll vanish in the dead of night, all of their own accord.  Then I do what all drunks working diligent programs do - I started to do the work to take down the bugs on their own turf.

 I do believe in the bromide that I won't change anything until the pain of the bug becomes greater than the pain of changing something about myself to transcend the bugginess.  I have an extraordinary capacity to take pain, apparently, given my unwillingness to change things.

Anyway, I scheduled a coffee with my sponsor and prepared for the meeting by doing some writing on the things bugging me.  These are two pretty easy things.  I write every day and I like my sponsor and I LOVE coffee.  And the writing helped a lot and so did the coffee with my sponsor.  It's not that I learned anything new - there weren't any lightning bolts out of the blue.  I don't know why I think that I have to have an epiphany.  I almost never do.  What happens, though, is that the work sets me free and the talking about what's bugging me with someone else sets me freer.

Free, free, set me free.