Nice.

Nice: Difficult t please; very careful; fastidious; refined (from the Old French meaning stupid, foolish and Latin meaning ignorant, not knowing.)

I have never had much interest in doing nice things. I liked to imagine that people were calling me "nice" behind my back, while secretly suspecting that they were using other epitaphs. Being nice and thoughtful always seemed to entail giving, not receiving. That's not a philosophical question I ponder in my memoir: "Horseface Steve: Grabbing For What's Mine!"

I think about all of the things that I've done in my sobriety that I would call nice. There's almost 10 as long as I'm liberal with a few of them. I think about the thousands of nice things that people have done for me. Often, I understand that they have things to do that are a lot more interesting than what they are doing for me. When I was drinking and totally consumed by myself -- as opposed to mostly consumed by myself, which is my present state -- I could never sacrifice my own interests for the interests of others.

I've had to practice this and it still doesn't come easily. I've found that when I do something that is not immediately gratifying but the right thing to do, I feel better eventually, not instantaneously, but the feeling lasts a lot longer. I feel better in a general, global sense. I sacrifice the immediate reward of pleasing myself. I think down the road a little bit. I think of The Big Picture.

I should try doing some of the stuff I write about. It sounds great.