So, So Very Humble

Humility: The state or quality of being humble of mind or spirit; absence of pride or self-assertion.

I'm one of those rare people who have a lot of humility. In fact, I have the most humility of anyone I know. I'm just that humble. No doubt about it. Sometimes I wonder if I have more humility than anyone else in the world. I think that if you spent some time with me you'd see that this is indeed true. Get to know me. My humility will hit you in the face like an icy blast of Celtic wind.

I got upset at work again yesterday, which is happening with a frequency that I'm beginning to find distressing. I don't think I'm being treated very well -- imagine that -- and I don't like it. Compounding the issue is that, in reality, I am actually not being treated very well. I think this happens in corporations pretty often. Things start to swirl out of control, people are saddled with more and more responsibility and not enough time to do it, and they become less likely to do anything but look out for their own interests. I'm sure I'm doing it, too. I'm humble enough to admit that. Not change my behavior, of course, but at least admit it.

When I get upset about something I can almost always trace it to the Big Three: Sex, Society, or Security. It's pretty clear when I get bent around the axle if someone messes with my money or my sexual appetites. The ego thing is a little more subtle for me. I'm not a dominant personality that way, in the clashing of egos. I prefer to sit quietly in the shadows and judge everyone. I'm better than you are and I know it so I don't have to prove it.

Someone that I don't like asked me to do something that I don't want to do. It involved a lot of work and scant possibility of making any money to justify my efforts. So I said no, and this guy (the BLOWHARD of past fame) went and tattled to the area manager, who called me and left a voice mail to the effect of, yes, you will be doing this thing. I work for myself so technically I don't have to do it. However, he has the ability to fire my ass back into the stone age so technically, I damn well better do it. I knew this intellectually but couldn't connect my mouth to my intellect. Damn thing goes off like a firecracker sometimes.

I made the mistake of listening to the VM at 10PM last night right before hopping into bed. Generally a bad time to get riled up. I had to go sit on the porch, in the dark, in my jammies for 20 minutes to reduce my heart rate to below coronary level.

Pausing really works. I got up this morning and did the right thing with no major damage done.