Derry Air

I'm getting ready to toodle off to Ireland for a bit of a vacation.

"What do you need a vacation for?" SuperK asked. "You don't do anything now. What, are you busy down at the office, which you don't have one to go to?"


As vacations go this one shouldn't be too stressful vis-a-vis the planning department. Exotic enough but manageably so. Still I find myself struggling to contain the fear that creeps into every crack and crevice of my being whenever I do something new. I'm always surprised at how the anxiety starts to build as I get ready to go somewhere I've never been before. Something is sure to go HORRIBLY WRONG. SuperK worries she isn't taking the right clothes, which perplexes me.

"It's Ireland," I said. "They have stuff there, too. It's not like we are going to Tajikistan." Which was the first place I suggested for our summer vacation this year


"What are you anxious about?" she wonders.

"Murderers. A bad seat on the airplane. Getting screwed by a devious taxi driver. Something happening to MY STUFF when I'm gone."

"No wonder you drank," she says, a comment I hear a lot.


I love to travel and I aways enjoy the experience. I get all riled up before I go but I go anyhow. There is some fear that is worth walking through.

Basically, I'm uncomfortable trying anything new. I might do it wrong. I might not like it. The fact is that I lose control with new experiences and that makes me uncomfortable. But I get bored at the drop of a hat so I bitch about that. This is why I go places. It's scary but I move through the scary part and find it very rewarding and enriching. Things almost never go wrong and when they do it makes for great stories. And I start to recognize the difference between real fear (dark alley at 3 AM) and bullshit fear ("something" going horribly, horribly wrong).

I wonder how many of my posts are about fear. Most of them? All of them?