Powers of Concentration

Suck: To make the sound of sucking.

So I'm at a Starbuck's nursing my $3 cup of coffee at an outside table. There is in my mind no contradiction in paying $3 for this product and then balking at throwing in more than a dollar or two at tonight's meeting. None at all. Not even when I consider that I'm in no need of any caffeine to jazz up my already hyperactive ass. That fact is irrelevant until I'm shaky and jittering in a few minutes, muttering about the fact that I've had too much coffee.

There's a guy sitting at the table next to me reading a book and eating a huge piece of watermelon, and loudly sucking his teeth. I have never understood the purpose behind loud teeth sucking. Maybe it feels good. I can't imagine that he's getting any watermelon stuck in his gums. I immediately noticed that he was just using the table to eat his lunch -- an odd choice for a meal, actually -- even though he hadn't purchased a drink from Starbuck's. I assume that this is a direct violation of the Starbuck's Constitution, although I have never seen that particular document. I assume this is against The Rules even though there are several unoccupied tables and it's none of my fucking business anyhow.

Moreover, he was using a plastic fork and knife to cut up the watermelon into little prissy pieces, which I found vaguely unsettling, on top of all The Rules violations and sucking noise. I'm going to assume that it wouldn't have been any better had he been just wading into the watermelon like a child, face buried deep in the luscious red fruit, covered in sticky juice.

So to recap: here's a guy flouting Western society's table conventions (You may sit at our table if you have purchased our product), the unwritten Man Eating Watermelon code (eat it with your hands or use a Bowie knife or a machete or hire a servant girl to drop each bit into your mouth), and some simple dining manners (no burping, belching, farting, or making loud slurping or smacking noises).

After a while all I could concentrate on was the teeth sucking. I think the guy must have set up a large amplifier system with big speakers aimed right at my table. I began to anticipate the interval between each tooth suck with more and more intensity. It became like some suburban Chinese water torture. It's not the drop of water -- it's the anticipation.

I should add that I was at a busy Starbuck's in a busy shopping strip mall next to a six lane surface road boiling with lunch time traffic. I had to strain to hear each tooth suck over the cacophony. It's not like it was easy to hear him. It reminded me of how difficult it is to ignore some one at a meeting that I find boring or tedious or preachy. I'm drawn to their words like a moth to a flame.

Is it any wonder I drank?